Unlikely Friends, At least that’s what some would like you to believe.
When you have a friend who celebrates your high points and shares your burdens, you know its special. Have you ever met someone and knew instantly that you’d be friends for life? I have, and its the best! One of those times was several years ago, when my husband was coaching with Team USA for a few months.
My hubby was spending the summer with some incredibly talented and well respected coaches from different regions of the US. The wives and families of the coaches were going to join the team for the European part of the tour happening in Amsterdam. I decided that since we were going to be just a few hour train ride from Paris, I was going to sneak away with our children for a couple nights so that they could experience a hot croissant in the hear of France. I will never forget my husband calling me and encouraging me to invite the other wives (who I had never met) and their kids to come along on my little quest for croissants and the Eiffel Tower. I immediately got a wave of anxiety….I remember saying “Babe, I have never met these women…or their children…I don’t speak French…I am no tour guide.” After all, my only Parisian experience was when I was 20 years old with college friends…which assuredly meant I knew basically nothing about Paris or how we should spend our time there.” However my husband is quite persuasive, and I remember him saying “these men are good men, they are quality people and their wives will be the same.” So, I texted two complete strangers and invited them to ride the train to Paris with my kids and me. I remember hitting send and thinking these women will probably think I am a nut, but within a few minutes I got some enthusiastic texts and then a phone call from both of them saying they’d love to join the fun.
Lets face it, life can be wonderful, and can also be wonderfully challenging and in this moment it was purely wonderful. In those few moments I met a kindred spirit, someone completely different than me, but someone who gets me and I get her. She and I are from different parts of the country, our upbringings are nothing alike, our personalities have some pretty big differences, but none of the differences matter as much as what we share. She and I were both raising a son and a daughter (pretty close in age) and were married to men who coached at a high level and respected one another a great deal which gave us a great foundation, but our friendship continues to blossom.
We laugh and cry easily with one another. Our conversations aren’t daily, or even weekly, but they’re meaningful, deep and often raw.We are bonded by faith, love of family and a shared journey in the world of athletics. Our sons both have faced health issues, our daughters are both navigating the transition to adulthood.
Why is this story worth sharing? After all, most people have friends they share life with…and all of them should be celebrated. But the reason I think this friendship is a bit different is the sport culture would tell us that our friendship shouldn’t be possible. You see, our husbands often compete against one another….and in our business those wins and losses often come at great cost. I don’t know if college rivalries are strong where you live, but in Texas, loyalties to team and school are very important. In fact, much of the sport culture would tell us that we should be rivals or adversaries, we ought to feel bitterness, anger or some other adversarial emotion when one of our husbands gets the recruit or gets the victory, but that is not the case. She and I have literally sat in stadiums filled with several thousand fans cheering and screaming for each respective team while our husbands compete, all the while knowing that either way nothing changes in our friendship. Sort of crazy right?? But it’s also crazy beautiful!! It’s special because there are things that transcend rivalries, wins and even pay checks. There are things like love and friendship, shared values, commitment to marriage and family that supersede the rest of the static in our lives.
Here’s the truth, this is a woman who has driven to Waco to help me grocery shop when I have been unable to do it myself. She’s my friend who I pray for when times get hard. We celebrate things that others wouldn’t understand quite as well, we share the journey of watching the men we love do jobs that usher in more criticism and judgement than most people should endure. We share ideas of how to navigate the new seasons of parenting that we are experiencing, and all of that matters much more than a victory or defeat.
I’m sharing about our friendship because I worry about where we are as a culture right now. It seems as if folks won’t listen to one another unless they feel they are on the same “team” as them. My friend and I are obviously on opposing teams, but it changes nothing in the rich friendship we share. I would hope that all of us could look at others who are seemingly on “the other side” and find that same camaraderie and bond. We all share far more in common than we don’t, but for some reason we’ve lost our way in searching for the things that unite us rather than divide us.
I would love to hear about the beautiful bonds with people that you have that defy the culture of our times. I think in each of our stories there’s a hope for humanity…one relationship at a time.
